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Zonti
Saturday 20 September 2014

How to Sustain Romance When the Fairytale Ends


Reflections on “The Bachelor”


The TV show “The Bachelor” gifts a kaleidoscopic microcosm of the age old 'battle of the sexes'.  Laurina's behavior, in particular, illustrated the scale of contradiction - from some ambivalence to outright anger – women have historically harboured toward the masculine.  She seemed to oscillate - from hope that she would be seen as special, to fear she would not - in an instant. Each of the other contestants for Blake’s favours is also doing their own version of this.
 
The historical 'art' of a female 'luring' a man via her 'charms' and a man heroically magnetizing a woman via his superior ability to protect, is all but lost.  Not according to “The Bachelor” as devised for TV!  A ratings winner, I suspect because it deliberately portrays the façade of a romance between a "Prince Charming" that females are evolutionarily programmed to fantasize about, and a bevy of ladies all potentially suitable as his “princess”.  This is a 'Molotov cocktail' for perpetuating the myth that a pretty dress and some good pecs will provide domestic harmony.
 
We all love to 'love a hero' and 'judge a villain'.  As a child, we were perhaps read to from the 'Book of Fairytales'. Then in daily life, continue to transpose a degree of desire to be the 'lead' in our own 'fairytale'. Trouble can arise when each party in a liaison strongly holds a different view and requires it to be deemed 'right'.  Differences about acceptability and unacceptability of behaviour are a leading cause of disagreement.  

"Wealth in relationship lies in facing the 'gnarly bits' that may arise without needing to 'blame'. Once we decide an attribute is 'wrong', we have contributed to separation and war. Lightheartedness, self-responsibility and self-enquiry can quell disputes arising."
 
Laurina, in the recent Bachelor episode, found 'touching your eye' to be highly unacceptable, because of what it signified to her.  A 'deal breaker' because to she, it meant Blake was not totally attentive to her subtle signals. The 'dance' of desire for romance, as portrayed in the media, and fury at men that has escalated throughout history has lead us to the point where many women now feel it’s 'fair game' to overtly express that which was succinctly expressed in that one gesture of Blake's, and Laurina's reaction to it.
 
We are all able to devise our own romance from within our own lives. Be it in coupledom or not. It takes recognizing that we all contain a potentiality of everything. We then get to choose which aspects we want to emphasize by activating and energizing them.  We all contain all spectrums of both the masculine and feminine. Wisdom is available by making no behaviour 'right or wrong'.
 
Wealth in relationship lies in facing the 'gnarly bits' that may arise without needing to 'blame'. Once we decide an attribute is 'wrong', we have contributed to separation and war. Lightheartedness, self-responsibility and self-enquiry can quell disputes arising. The volatility our planet hovers in nowadays can benefit from we as individuals choosing to not fuel the fire of blame.
 
As such, we have a prime opportunity to each employ our own individual inner resource of intuitive wisdom to allow our best life to unfold now. We are all empowered to do much to ensure our now world is heaven on earth. A way, is to investigate how we are the same and can co-operate with each other rather than zooming in on differences and defence.

It is entirely up to each party in any relationship to develop and contribute to [romance] and it can look exactly how each wants it to! It merely requires to spot and focus from what is working and desist from what isn’t.

Interestingly, The Bachelor magnifies the vulnerabilities we all have and glosses over them with an Aussie version of Hollywood style hope in the form of 'girl wins bachelor’s heart' drama that a part of many of we likes to believe is available.  Sans the glitz, jewels, evening gowns, yachts, etc. -  yes, romance is available. It is entirely up to each party in any relationship to develop and contribute to it and it can look exactly how each wants it to! It merely requires to spot and focus from what is working and desist from what isn’t.
 
Blake will have much to live up to after the show wraps.  He probably doesn’t have the personal resources “The Bachelor” TV production has at its disposal to woo and charm the ladies. His natural heart and soul is his best resource as it is for we all.
 
~~~~~~~
Author’s footnote:  In “The Bachelor” world of smoke ‘n mirrors, my pick for the girl who wins his heart has long been Louise. She seems to bring a combo of qualities probably most compatible with Blake's own vision.
 


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16 Oct 14

Patricia Lovell

Zonti, it seems you were right. Blake and Louise are now dating according to recent media reports. And thank you for your relationships column. I love it!

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